The Stage You Disown Still Runs You
“What you exile doesn’t disappear — it hides, festers, and returns wearing a new mask.”
I’ve seen it in myself.
I’ve seen it in nearly everyone I work with.
We all have a Spiral stage that makes us cringe.
That one color-coded version of ourselves we’d rather pretend never existed.
Red — maybe, for the rage or recklessness.
Orange — for the ambition that felt hollow.
Blue — for the dogma that collapsed.
Even Green — for the sensitivity that became chaos.
The moment we discover Spiral Dynamics, something lights up.
It gives shape to our story.
It helps explain how we’ve changed.
But it also tempts us into a trap:
We want to skip the parts that hurt.
The Spiral isn’t linear. But we still try to outrun it.
It’s natural. We’ve grown. We’ve evolved. We’ve done the inner work.
So why would we want to revisit a past version of ourselves?
Because the parts we disown don’t disappear — they distort.
And that distortion has consequences.
Disown Red and you may find yourself agreeable on the surface, seething underneath.
You let others cross boundaries because you’re scared of your own fire.
You call it “peace” — but your nervous system knows better.
Disown Orange and you might fear visibility, money, or success — because you equate it with shallowness or ego.
You sabotage opportunities in the name of “integrity,” but secretly ache to be seen and resourced.
Even disowning Blue can leave you rootless, overwhelmed by choice, haunted by the craving for structure you swore you didn’t need.
And here’s the thing:
Most of this happens unconsciously.
It doesn’t show up in your journals.
It shows up in your relationships.
Your bank account.
Your patterns.
The trap of bypassing — even at “higher” stages
Some of the people most fascinated by Spiral Dynamics are operating from Green, Yellow, or beyond.
And ironically, that makes bypassing even easier.
You learn the language of stages.
You pride yourself on nuance.
You’ve “moved past all that.”
But if you haven’t integrated your Red, your Orange, your Blue — they’re still steering the ship.
They’re just doing it from the basement.
You think you’ve evolved.
But really, you’ve outsourced.
And the cost is subtle but real:
Resentment. Anxiety. Power leaks. Chronic fatigue.
The sense that no matter how “woke” or “aware” you become — something still feels… off.
Reintegration isn’t regression. It’s maturity.
When we circle back to meet the stage we’ve rejected, something opens.
We stop seeing ourselves as failures for having passed through it.
We stop seeing others as broken for being centered there now.
We start to understand the necessity of the spiral.
That each stage is a survival strategy — until it becomes a wound.
And that healing means welcoming those wounded parts back into the room.
This is integration.
This is adult development.
Not escape — but embodiment.
Begin gently. The work is sacred.
Here are three questions worth sitting with this week:
- What Spiral stage do I secretly judge or resist?
- Where did I first associate that stage with pain, shame, or loss?
- What might healing look like if I gave that part of me a seat at the table?
This isn’t a one-time process.
It’s something I return to again and again — especially when I feel stuck.
And almost every time, the same truth returns:
The stage I’m resisting is the one still holding the key.
Ready to explore Spiral Dynamics with more compassion?
The Spiral Starter Kit is a free self-reflection toolkit designed to help you discover, explore, and integrate your current stage — no pressure, just guidance.