You Are Not Behind
Growth isn’t linear — and neither are you. This short essay is a poetic reminder that you’re not behind, you’re between. A gentle nudge to trust the Spiral and honor the space you’re in.
“This is the fertile darkness. And I know it doesn’t look like progress — but you are growing roots.”
You are not behind.
I know it feels like you are sometimes — like you’ve been left behind by people who got their shit together earlier than you, like some invisible current is moving under everyone else’s feet but yours.
I’ve felt that too.
Especially when I’m caught in between — not who I was, not yet who I’m becoming.
It’s disorienting, right?
You look around and ask: What happened? How did I end up here?
Like you woke up in a different timeline one day, and no one else seems to notice the glitch.
But listen.
That ache you’re feeling? That restlessness, that pause, that sense that something's shifting under the surface?
That’s not failure.
That’s the spiral at work.
Growth doesn’t move in straight lines
We were taught to expect life to move like this:
Step 1, then 2, then 3.
Graduate, get the job, find the partner, buy the house, level up.
Linear. Predictable. Climb the ladder.
But real growth?
It doesn’t play by those rules.
It loops.
It spirals.
It circles back.
It doubles down on old lessons just when you thought you’d outgrown them.
And it hurts like hell sometimes — not because you’re regressing, but because you’re being stretched into a new shape.
That’s the part no one tells you about healing.
It’s messy. Sacred. Nonlinear.
This is liminal space
You're not stuck.
You're not late.
You're in the threshold.
This place you’re in — the foggy, uncomfortable middle — it has a name: liminal space.
It’s the cocoon between caterpillar and butterfly.
It’s the in-breath between old life and new life.
It’s the pause where your soul is quietly rearranging the furniture.
And while it feels empty, it’s not.
This is the fertile darkness.
The ground beneath you is being tilled.
And I know it doesn’t look like progress — but you are growing roots.
Every time you come back to the same lesson with a deeper understanding…
Every time you see your triggers with new eyes…
Every time you pause instead of run…
That’s the spiral.
You’ve never actually been behind
You’ve just been evolving in ways the world doesn’t measure.
See, we live in a culture that’s obsessed with timelines and productivity.
As if life were some giant group project and you’re the one who forgot the deadline.
But your soul has its own clock.
Your milestones can’t be mapped by someone else’s expectations.
You’re not a spreadsheet.
You’re a story unfolding at exactly the right pace.
I used to beat myself up for not being “further along.”
But what I didn’t see was how much energy I was spending surviving… recovering… unlearning… recalibrating.
All invisible work. All essential.
This is holy work, even if no one claps for it
I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but…
You’re not lazy.
You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming.
And becoming takes time.
You are not lost —
You are between versions of yourself.
Let this be your permission slip to exhale.
To trust the spiral.
To rest when you need to.
To grow on your own time.
No one else gets to define what “on track” means for your life.
📥 If this landed for you…
The Spiral Starter Kit is a free guide I created for seekers in transition.
It includes 50+ pages of reflection prompts, spiral stage maps, and a gentle reminder:
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.